I miss you

I miss the days with you
Just talking about stuff
Anything

I miss seeing you smile
Your eyes light up
Beautiful

I miss the your voice
As you laugh at a joke
Melodic

I miss your arms
Hugging me to you
Safe

I miss you.
You.

Incompleate

Why judge me?
Instantly decide the verdict on my personality
Stereotype me from my image alone
What’s to say it’s not a disguise
To fool you?

Clever You

Think you are so clever?
Hiding your slander behind a computer screen?
Or is it just you don’t have the courage?
To face problems yourself?
Do you need a virtual shield?
Your words don’t have the same effect,
As they would coming out of your mouth.
There is none of the venom an insult should have
Not when said through pixels of black and white
But to me, the greatest offence is your cowardice,
Your inability to tell me face to face what you thought
Clever you.

Feeble Lies

Your feeble lies do nothing
But prove your shallowness
Convince no one to your cause
Just push them away
Your tabloid gossip is rejected
Fictional drama only
This does nothing for your image
If anything this makes you unpopular
Your stories are entertaining
But unrealistic

This is what I want

This is what I want
Don’t try and stop me
I will not rest until my mission is complete
This is what I need
To see those jealous eyes follow me
As I walk
This is how I see myself
In my dreams, I am perfect
This is what I want.

Unfortunate

I love you

I know it’s ill timed

Unfortunate.

I loved you once before

And then I stopped

Or so I made you believe

But the truth is

I have loved you since I laid eyes on you

It’s silly

The way love works

Countless infatuations

I make a fuss over

That in the end

Won’t mean anything

Don’t mean anything

That when I look back, are breaks a in dull life

Nothing more

Not what I feel for you

Because my love for you

Is torment not treat

A bitter-sweet harassment

Of my locked away heart

Kept clean

For the one who will steal it away from all others

You

You’ll be that one

You are that one now

Maybe they’ll be another 

Who’ll fight it away

From your tight grip

But until then

You have me glued to your perfection and beauty

Nightmare

Where were you when I needed you?

You didn’t answer my calls

Reply to my texts

It seemed as if you had forgotten me

I sent you letters

Envelope sealed with a kiss

Where were you?

I found some one new

They answered me

They remembered me

But they weren’t you

Couldn’t understand why I missed you so

So they left too

But now your back

You say it was all a dream

That the letters never sent

The phone never rang

That you could never forget me

That you’d never leave me

It was just a nightmare

Lolita Humbert, Humbert Lolita

Lolita, small, infantile

Humbert, large and tall

Lolita, naïve, enchanting

Humbert hurt and lost.

Humbert, tall, misleading

Lolita, short, nymphet

Humbert, old, ugly

Lolita, young, becoming

The difference between Lolita

The similarities between Humbert

The youthfulness of Lolita

The experience of Humbert

The weakness of Lolita

The power of Humbert

The power of Lolita

The weakness of Humbert

The temptation of Lolita

The promise of Humbert

The deceit of Lolita

The devotion of Humbert

Kiss ME

Press your lips against mine

Softly, Gently

Hold my head with your hands

Firmly, Kindly

Deepen our kiss with love

Passionately, Adoringly

Never let me go

Eternally, Devotingly

Critical

Why are you so critical?

Why do you persist to belittle everything I do?

You accuse me of having a negative outlook

Yet nothing I do is good enough

What do you want?

Is paying a compliment to expensive?

Or do you just prefer the reduced rates of criticism?

You

You sit there,

Your coat hanging loosely over your petit frame,

Your smile rival to that of an angel,

                                            And you look at me.

I stop,

I think back to what I have done today,

Trying to find reason for your attention,

My heart beat quickens,

Your smile widens and I realise,

You’re just happy to see me.

My breath catches in my throat,

I can feel my face turning a bright crimson,

I rush to the bathroom to calm myself.

Sure enough, my face is red,

But I don’t care, your still there when I come back,

My blush returns,

And I catch you looking at me.

I look away,

I can feel your striking eyes on my back,

You’re watching me move closer to you,

I sit on the chair one space away from yours,

I can feel the air shift to accommodate the self consciousness I feel,

You smile again and I have to close my eyes a second,

To compose myself: To smile back.

I feel my body warm as the blood flows around my veins,

Faster and faster like the African drumming of an enthusiastic boy,

You move in your seat,

A subconscious act that brings your perfect body closer to me,

My chest restricts,

I begin to smell the aroma of testosterone in the air,

My lungs grudgingly provide vast amounts of oxygen,

And I smile a slow,

Hopefully, warm smile in your direction.

You’re talking to another person now,

Whilst you face them I study you profile.

You’re skinny, a thin whisp of beauty,

Your skin is a pale colour, you lips defined,

But it’s your eyes that captivate me.

The depth, the raw emotion that radiates from them,

I can see the future I have only dreamed of,

Hidden behind the pain of scorn,

The determination to prove yourself,

Beneath the intense fear of rejection.

I see the love which you hold for me.

My head spins,

I grasp, to some degree,

The extent of my emotions,

You’re aware of my eyes on you now,

You turn you face towards mine,

And before I can look away,

You look me in the eye and I’m stuck.

All too soon it’s time to leave,

My heart sinks at the thought of saying goodbye,

I reach out and hug you,

An electric shock shoots through my body as we touch,

Resisting every urge to kiss you,

I want to stay here holding you,

I promise to speak to you soon,

But as I sullenly leave,

My heart is still with you.

So many Questions

There are so many questions

Hurrying around my head

Feeding off my insecurities

Using doubts to get around

I don’t know what to ask?

Did you mean to?

Do you want to?

Why did you?

So many questions

Impossible to answer

Hearts will be broken

It is inevitable

And yet you still set my heart racing

My face into a furnace of blush

My body into a flare of heat

My nerves tingling beyond reason

And then the questions come flooding back

Can I ever be good enough?

Can I ever be worthy?

Do you mean to?

So many questions

Forming a matrix of hesitation

Complex webs of uncertainty

Spiders of disbelief crawling around

Catching flies of optimism

Crushing them with the heavy suspicion

What do you want?

What can I give?

Will it be good enough?

Again with questions

Sceptic to my core

With unreasonable logic

That makes sense to the rejected lover

With a chance of redemption

And mistrust hanging like the sword of damaclies

Suspended not with hair but reservation

Do you trust me?

Can you love me?

Can I love you back?

Question after question

Never ending

Infuriating

Endless lists of query

One word answers

Why?

Mirror

Who is that girl in the mirror?

Why does she copy me?

Does she not realise my craving to be unique?

Doesn’t she know that being copied is my worse fear?

I look at her, the loathing radiating from my eyes

But she just stares back, with a look of pure hatred

I open my mouth to tell her to stop

But she does, the exact same time

So I let her go first

Yet she closes her mouth.

It’s as if she can predict what I am about to do

Then does the same

I try to surprise her

Still she copies me

Pulling a grotesque face when I glare at her

I wave;

She imitates me with a precision that’s accurate beyond measure.

Who is this girl?

Why does she imitate me?

Has she nothing better to do?

And why is she in my mirror?

The Kiss

Why’d you do it?

What does this mean?

What does this change?

What does that make ‘us’?

Did you mean it?

Would you again?

Would you want me to?

What happens next?

Was it good?

Did you enjoy it?

What was it like?

Do you feel awkward now?

Do you actually like me?

What was the best bit?

Do you regret it?

Are you going to tell anyone?

Are you going to hate me?

Are you as confused as me?

Do you want to ask as many questions?

Do you doubt everything?

I do.

Lolita

Lolita, small, Infantile,

Caress the school girl thighs,

Underneath the colourful shorts,

Of the premature seductress.

Clumsy movements, 

Admired by your adoring eyes.

The nymphet of dreams,

Conspicuously alluring.

Lolita, small, Infantile

Hold the petite hands

Prohibited to those who want

And crave the reluctant child

Undeveloped breasts,

Swollen with pubescent strain

Beneath the flowing dresses

Of the pure beauty.

Lolita, small, Infantile

Loyal to no-one

Kidnapped by Clere

Loved by Humbert

Love

Love

Heart melting

Pulse quickening

Breath taking

Love

Hopeless Romantic

I’m a hopeless romantic

I wear my heart upon my sleeve

And with just a charming smile

Or a cheeky wink

I’m falling

Angel

My heart waits for you

Every beat is a footstep towards you

My pulse is a siren calling your name

And my arms feel empty without you

My fingers long to touch you

My eyes search the skies for you

My angel

Is it only me?

Is it only me,

Who sees the darkness in the fairy tale?

The poison in the apple,

The glass in the shoe,

Is it only me?

Is it only me,

Who sees the depth of all the hatred?

Jealousy of the mother

Betrayal of the lover

Is it only me?

Is it only me,

Who sees the snarl behind the smile?

The claws beneath gloves

The horns beneath crowns

Is it only me?

Is it only me,

Who sides with all the badies?

Smiles at the blood

Frowns at the joy

Is it only me?

No, It’s not only me. 

Darkness

As the darkness closes in, 

and my heart begins to pound

my tears start running down my face, 

they tumble to the ground.

The pain inside digs deeper 

Blood begins to burn

Ashes of my fiery soul

Trapped within an icy urn

Twists of thorny rope

binding my legs like game 

suppressing my struggles

compressing my veins

Blades and daggers, knives and glass 

Pierce my swollen eyes

blinding me from blazing truth

cursing me with lies

Calling upon my fear so vivid

my insanity deteriorates

into pill     

 into pillars of eyes

and flagstones of cold desertion

The release of a needle    

dragging across my flesh

as the droplets of ruby bliss 

Elapse into a frenzy of raining delight.

Twists of thorny rope

binding my legs like game

Suppressing my struggles

compressing my veins

Don't Fear me

In the dark I am your light

In the night I am your sweet dream

In the day I am your laugh

In the sun I am your shade

In the rain I am your coat

When you are alone I am your friend

When you are with others I am your privacy

When you are hungry I am your food

When you are thirsty I am your water

When you are hurt I am your comfort

I am your blue sky

I am your shining moon

I am your cool breeze

I am your warm duvet

I am your imagination

Don’t fear me

You are my smile

You are my laugh

You are my light

You are my joy

You are my love

I love you.

What if

What if I was a bird?

Would you fly next to me?

Or shoot me for food?

What if I was a daisy?

Would you carefully tread round me?

Or trample me into the mud?

What if I was music?

Would you learn me?

Or turn me off, listen to another piece?

What if I was a letter?

Would you read me?

Or throw me away?

What if I was a mirror?

Would you look at your reflection?

Or turn away?

What if I was a question?

Would you answer me?

Or leave me floating in the air with nowhere to go?

What if I was a film?

Would you watch me?

Or change the channel?

What if I was money?

Would you save me?

Or spend me on worthless trinkets?

What if I was a painting?

Would you look at me?

Or cast me aside for the next masterpiece?

What if I was a memory?

Would you remember me?

Or forget me?

What if I was a joke?

Would you laugh?

Or turn your head and cringe?

What if I was a child?

Would you love me?

Or would you leave me for someone else?

What if I was a necklace?

Would you wear me?

Or bury me inside a box for eternity?

What if I was a light?

Would you turn me on?

Or leave me to dwell n the darkness?

What if I was me?

Would you love me for who I am?

Or ask me to change into who you are?

Vampire

You scare me with your seductive eyes

With their depth and mystery

One thousand questions

Inviting me to ask

Your ruby red lips that beg me to kiss you

As if you whisper to me

Calling me to come near you

Hypnotising me easily

Your ivory skin, hard as marble, pure as crystal

China white and perfect

Smoothly caressing your bones

Flawlessly like liquid

Your sharpened nails, painted ebony black

Razor edged with precision

Ready to sever flesh

And expose the crimson wine underneath.

And yet, you attract me, with your voice like velvet

Soft and alluring, like music I can’t escape

Promising me satisfaction, quenching my thirst

For your words, your melodic tones

Your scent, masculine, smoky and rural

That makes me yearn for the wind

To carry me another waft

So I can fill my aching lunges with your incense. 

Love Sonnet

I love you he says, with my head upon his breast, breathing

One hand in mine, the other playing with my tangled hair

His heartbeat, in time with mine stops and starts, quickening

As sounds, distant they may be, creep and moan in despair

And he looks at me, smile moving across his doting face

In his eyes, laughter, grinning ‘coz he wants to, ‘coz he can

Holding on to me, tightening his powerful embrace

Strobe lighting, gunshot, mournful weep of a fictional man

So the film begins, murder, mayhem, malice and jealousy, sigh

Despair, turmoil, and just a hint of shame, Dr Evil is back!

With all the goodies, and the baddies, no one can deny

The silhouette of forces foe, just action it does lack

So hold me close, and whisper to me, of times that have gone past

Now turn to me, and look at me, and kiss me now. At last!

Liar

Trap me if you can, in your web of lies

Your twisted words as rope

Fasten me within your warped reality

Fictional danger holding me in place

As I watch the daggers of truth tear at you

Honest blades slash and mutate you

Fact burn out your eyes

You bleed the blackened blood of a liar. 

Murder scene

Droplets of water drip

The only pulse in the room

And it’s haunting. Scary like the sound of footsteps

Tapping, echoing the metallic hollowness

I move my foot forward

Careful not to stand on the shredded remains of a hand

Light filtered in, casting parallel lines of silver

Across crusty brown flooring 

Human Butcher

I walk into the room and I see them

Corpses, bodies where people should be

Swimming in pools of rusty blood

Bathing in life’s very essence

Then the smell hits me

It’s like walking into a butcher

Except here it’s rotting flesh

Not the succulent steak or fat pork sausages

Here, meat is not for sale