You

You sit there,

Your coat hanging loosely over your petit frame,

Your smile rival to that of an angel,

                                            And you look at me.

I stop,

I think back to what I have done today,

Trying to find reason for your attention,

My heart beat quickens,

Your smile widens and I realise,

You’re just happy to see me.

My breath catches in my throat,

I can feel my face turning a bright crimson,

I rush to the bathroom to calm myself.

Sure enough, my face is red,

But I don’t care, your still there when I come back,

My blush returns,

And I catch you looking at me.

I look away,

I can feel your striking eyes on my back,

You’re watching me move closer to you,

I sit on the chair one space away from yours,

I can feel the air shift to accommodate the self consciousness I feel,

You smile again and I have to close my eyes a second,

To compose myself: To smile back.

I feel my body warm as the blood flows around my veins,

Faster and faster like the African drumming of an enthusiastic boy,

You move in your seat,

A subconscious act that brings your perfect body closer to me,

My chest restricts,

I begin to smell the aroma of testosterone in the air,

My lungs grudgingly provide vast amounts of oxygen,

And I smile a slow,

Hopefully, warm smile in your direction.

You’re talking to another person now,

Whilst you face them I study you profile.

You’re skinny, a thin whisp of beauty,

Your skin is a pale colour, you lips defined,

But it’s your eyes that captivate me.

The depth, the raw emotion that radiates from them,

I can see the future I have only dreamed of,

Hidden behind the pain of scorn,

The determination to prove yourself,

Beneath the intense fear of rejection.

I see the love which you hold for me.

My head spins,

I grasp, to some degree,

The extent of my emotions,

You’re aware of my eyes on you now,

You turn you face towards mine,

And before I can look away,

You look me in the eye and I’m stuck.

All too soon it’s time to leave,

My heart sinks at the thought of saying goodbye,

I reach out and hug you,

An electric shock shoots through my body as we touch,

Resisting every urge to kiss you,

I want to stay here holding you,

I promise to speak to you soon,

But as I sullenly leave,

My heart is still with you.

So many Questions

There are so many questions

Hurrying around my head

Feeding off my insecurities

Using doubts to get around

I don’t know what to ask?

Did you mean to?

Do you want to?

Why did you?

So many questions

Impossible to answer

Hearts will be broken

It is inevitable

And yet you still set my heart racing

My face into a furnace of blush

My body into a flare of heat

My nerves tingling beyond reason

And then the questions come flooding back

Can I ever be good enough?

Can I ever be worthy?

Do you mean to?

So many questions

Forming a matrix of hesitation

Complex webs of uncertainty

Spiders of disbelief crawling around

Catching flies of optimism

Crushing them with the heavy suspicion

What do you want?

What can I give?

Will it be good enough?

Again with questions

Sceptic to my core

With unreasonable logic

That makes sense to the rejected lover

With a chance of redemption

And mistrust hanging like the sword of damaclies

Suspended not with hair but reservation

Do you trust me?

Can you love me?

Can I love you back?

Question after question

Never ending

Infuriating

Endless lists of query

One word answers

Why?

Mirror

Who is that girl in the mirror?

Why does she copy me?

Does she not realise my craving to be unique?

Doesn’t she know that being copied is my worse fear?

I look at her, the loathing radiating from my eyes

But she just stares back, with a look of pure hatred

I open my mouth to tell her to stop

But she does, the exact same time

So I let her go first

Yet she closes her mouth.

It’s as if she can predict what I am about to do

Then does the same

I try to surprise her

Still she copies me

Pulling a grotesque face when I glare at her

I wave;

She imitates me with a precision that’s accurate beyond measure.

Who is this girl?

Why does she imitate me?

Has she nothing better to do?

And why is she in my mirror?

The Kiss

Why’d you do it?

What does this mean?

What does this change?

What does that make ‘us’?

Did you mean it?

Would you again?

Would you want me to?

What happens next?

Was it good?

Did you enjoy it?

What was it like?

Do you feel awkward now?

Do you actually like me?

What was the best bit?

Do you regret it?

Are you going to tell anyone?

Are you going to hate me?

Are you as confused as me?

Do you want to ask as many questions?

Do you doubt everything?

I do.

Lolita

Lolita, small, Infantile,

Caress the school girl thighs,

Underneath the colourful shorts,

Of the premature seductress.

Clumsy movements, 

Admired by your adoring eyes.

The nymphet of dreams,

Conspicuously alluring.

Lolita, small, Infantile

Hold the petite hands

Prohibited to those who want

And crave the reluctant child

Undeveloped breasts,

Swollen with pubescent strain

Beneath the flowing dresses

Of the pure beauty.

Lolita, small, Infantile

Loyal to no-one

Kidnapped by Clere

Loved by Humbert

Love

Love

Heart melting

Pulse quickening

Breath taking

Love

Hopeless Romantic

I’m a hopeless romantic

I wear my heart upon my sleeve

And with just a charming smile

Or a cheeky wink

I’m falling

Angel

My heart waits for you

Every beat is a footstep towards you

My pulse is a siren calling your name

And my arms feel empty without you

My fingers long to touch you

My eyes search the skies for you

My angel

Is it only me?

Is it only me,

Who sees the darkness in the fairy tale?

The poison in the apple,

The glass in the shoe,

Is it only me?

Is it only me,

Who sees the depth of all the hatred?

Jealousy of the mother

Betrayal of the lover

Is it only me?

Is it only me,

Who sees the snarl behind the smile?

The claws beneath gloves

The horns beneath crowns

Is it only me?

Is it only me,

Who sides with all the badies?

Smiles at the blood

Frowns at the joy

Is it only me?

No, It’s not only me. 

Darkness

As the darkness closes in, 

and my heart begins to pound

my tears start running down my face, 

they tumble to the ground.

The pain inside digs deeper 

Blood begins to burn

Ashes of my fiery soul

Trapped within an icy urn

Twists of thorny rope

binding my legs like game 

suppressing my struggles

compressing my veins

Blades and daggers, knives and glass 

Pierce my swollen eyes

blinding me from blazing truth

cursing me with lies

Calling upon my fear so vivid

my insanity deteriorates

into pill     

 into pillars of eyes

and flagstones of cold desertion

The release of a needle    

dragging across my flesh

as the droplets of ruby bliss 

Elapse into a frenzy of raining delight.

Twists of thorny rope

binding my legs like game

Suppressing my struggles

compressing my veins

Don't Fear me

In the dark I am your light

In the night I am your sweet dream

In the day I am your laugh

In the sun I am your shade

In the rain I am your coat

When you are alone I am your friend

When you are with others I am your privacy

When you are hungry I am your food

When you are thirsty I am your water

When you are hurt I am your comfort

I am your blue sky

I am your shining moon

I am your cool breeze

I am your warm duvet

I am your imagination

Don’t fear me

You are my smile

You are my laugh

You are my light

You are my joy

You are my love

I love you.